Just like the ‘Twilight’ books, it’s either you’ll love ‘New Moon’ or absolutely loathe it.

The film, directed by Chris Weitz and based on the hit novel by Stephenie Meyer, has gotten scathing reviews from critics but has grossed $140.7 million in its opening weekend.

Therein lies the paradox—if it’s so bad, then why are people still watching it?

If you’re like my boyfriend and I, who decided to buy New Moon tickets and lined up (the line was almost a block long) in front of the cinema, then don’t feel guilty.

If anything, the droves of pre-pubescent girls and teenaged to 20-something couples (mostly girlfriends who had to force their boyfriends to watch with them) who showed up to the screening is proof of the pervasiveness of popular culture.

Even those who oppose the Twilight series for ruining the vampire genre (because the novels reduced these normally sinister creatures into glittering, vapid ones) are probably watching the film partly because of the hype and partly because they might not want to miss out on what everyone else is watching.

So if you still decide to catch New Moon in theaters—just sit back, relax (or sleep if you want), and don’t blame yourself because a market force may have driven you to it.

What’s it about?

‘New Moon’ begins on the day of Bella Swan’s (played by Kristen Stewart) 18th birthday.

Like many girls who have been seriously dating a sexy and obscenely rich vampire, she is worried that she will grow old and wrinkly while her immortal boyfriend stays as young-looking as the day he “turned.”

And like any 18-year-old girl, she is looking forward to spending the day –and the rest of her life– with her boyfriend, Edward Cullen (played by Rob Pattinson).

All would have been well for her, except for a snag. That evening at the Cullen house, she gets a papercut (a small prick on her finger) while trying to open a birthday present from Edward’s vampire family.

The scent of her fresh blood prompts a member of the Cullens, Jasper, to lunge at her—almost killing her if not for Edward throwing her backward against a glass fixture, wounding her more.

Edward realizes that by being with Bella, he is putting her in danger. So he breaks up with her in the forest, convinces her he wants nothing to do with her, makes her promise not to do anything reckless and leaves (reportedly) for good.

Bella looks like she’s having what seems to be an aneurysm or gas pain, then goes into self-destruct mode for some months, while marvelously keeping her grades up.

During the lull in her love life, she finds comfort in her friend Jacob Black (played by Taylor Lautner).

True to form as a girl on the rebound, she alternately keeps Jacob close and pushes him away. She even has him fix her newly acquired dirtbike for free, so she can crash it later on.

To complicate the love triangle further, Bella gets visions of Edward every time she does something reckless, thereby causing her to do more reckless things so she can continue hallucinating.

At the same time, it is revealed that the presence of vampires in the area (some of whom want to kill Bella) are prompting male members of the nearby Indian reservation, including Jacob, to turn into werewolves.

Thus begins what would have been a cool showdown between two of literature’s coolest mythical creatures –werewolves and vampires.

Except, the potential power of this conflict was diluted by the fact that it is occurring on account of a sullen, manic-depressive, slightly suicidal and annoyingly distressed damsel.

Highlights, pitfalls

Here are some highlights of the film, both good and bad:

1.   Sex appeal. If you’re a woman with hormones (or a guy who gets excited by abs), you will certainly love the show of shirtless men in this film.

Be glad that the werewolf pack seem to have a shortage of t-shirts (or maybe they don’t want to rip them out when they transform into big furry wolves), because they are half-naked, muscly, and sweaty for much of the film.

In fact, Jacob taking off his shirt for the first time gets many members of the theater audience squealing. Whereas, the suicide scene where Edward takes off his shirt and reveals a pale and slightly flabby stomach mostly gets silence.

Other parts that are sure to get squeals or shouts are: when Bella and Jacob almost kiss, when Bella can’t decide whose hand to hold (Jacob’s or Mike’s) in the theater, and when Edward (in the last scene) asks Bella to marry him.

2.    Boring, overdramatic. Much of New Moon has slow-moving scenes peppered with cliché dialogue between a perennially pouty Bella and either Jacob or Edward.

Bella’s heartbreak is at times boring and overdramatic. The scene where a depressed Bella sits unmoving as she watches the seasons pass by outside her window even got laughs from the audience. This speaks of a failure to gain sympathy for her predicament.

The film’s reference to William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” means New Moon is trying to channel that tragic vibe of forbidden love between “star-crossed lovers”-turned-suicides.

Granted, heartbreak (and finding “true love”) is a serious matter and a meaningful experience for many. Heck, we are all guilty of being sappy too at some point in our lives.

But killing yourself by provoking some Italian vampires (in Edward’s case) or courting danger by cliffdiving and taking motorcycle rides from obviously lusty strangers (in Bella’s case) over your first breakup is stupid.

Surprisingly, Jessica (Bella’s seemingly ditzy school friend) succinctly summarizes Bella’s behavior: “You’re crazy.”

This, and other “unfortunate” love lessons girls learn from Twilight, is more eloquently discussed here.

3.   Fight sequences. Drama aside, there are actually some nice fight sequences in the film. This is usually when the boys who were dozing off in their seats wake up and pay attention.

There are fight scenes between the wolves, thrilling wolf-and-vampire chase scenes, and a suspenseful fight between Edward and a bulky member of the Volturi (an aristocratic group of Italian vampires who rule the city).

These come as a welcome relief when you’ve been looking (or cringing) at close-ups of the lead characters’ pained expressions or if your mind is numb from listening to saccharine dialogue.

4.    Occasional humor. There are some clever repartee and humorous bits in the movie.

Examples are when Bella’s father tricks her into thinking she has a strand of gray hair, when Mike throws up after watching the film “Face Punch” with Bella and Jacob, or when Bella and Jacob try to figure out their age according to their size and wisdom.

However, these appear too few and far between.

5.   Thinly-veiled stereotypes. You may not notice it so quickly, but New Moon implicitly puts forward some racial stereotypes.

Native Americans (the werewolves) are portrayed as hot-blooded, wild, or savage creatures who don’t care if they’re walking around shirtless, jumping from cliffs or rubbing their noses in the dirt.

Predominantly Caucasian vampires like the Cullens or the Volturi, meanwhile, are more refined, definitely upper class, and more reserved (meaning less temperamental) than the werewolves.

Though vampires do engage in “savagery” (feasting on humans or animals, for example), this is cloaked by a veneer of gentility with their somber good looks, designer clothes and flashy luxury vehicles.

6.    Good soundtrack, dizzying camera work. The film has some very interesting choices of music.

If you’re a fan of good rock and classical music, then you’re in for a treat. The film includes music by Death Cab for Cutie, The Killers, Muse, and OK Go, among others.

The film’s camera work, meanwhile, is dizzying at times, with a mix of canted and shaky framing, or scenes where the camera seems to spin around while focused on a still object.

There are some very amazing shots, however, like when Sam (the leader of the werewolf pack) and Victoria (a rogue vampire bent on killing Bella) jump from a high cliff and slice into the rough oceans below.

The camera follows their jump from below, such that it seems as if you are diving into the water yourself.

7.    Morality and other philosophical questions. The film tries to touch on some philosophical questions too, like whether a vampire has a soul, since they are technically already dead and are somehow damned to a morally questionable existence.

Some vampires do not realize this existential dilemma and simply surrender to their “baser instincts” of killing humans wantonly.

Some vampires, like the Cullens, strive for a socially acceptable way of dealing with their situation by “peacefully” coexisting with humans.

Edward also struggles with the ethical question of turning Bella into a vampire, condemning her to an eternity of eating deer and staying away from sunlight, even if he professes to want her by his side always.

These moral questions are actually interesting, but were not thoroughly centered in the New Moon film.

8.    Attractive theme. For the record, I do not agree that the Twilight books are “breakthrough literature.” They read like poorly written romance novels with sappy dialogue and idealistic notions of love (which is why women are so attracted to those books and the Twilight films, by the way).

In some way, the Twilight books and films convince you that it is possible to have a rich, handsome, superhuman boyfriend who loves, protects, and dedicates all his waking hours to you; no matter how boring, plain or mousy you regard yourself.

As a bonus, your vampire boyfriend is a gentleman too, since he still subscribes to the social norms of his time about a Century ago. He’s the type to marry you first than engage in pre-marital vampire sex.

And yes, it is possible to have virtually all the handsome boys in town (and even warring species) to fight over you despite your low self-esteem and how flawed you are.

You have to hand it to Stephenie Meyer, no matter how badly she writes her novels, she has come up with a winning formula that captures many a romantic’s imagination. Plus, she actually got a ton of money out of it.

In conclusion, New Moon is a film worth watching if you’ve resolved to like the Twilight saga in the first place. In this case, you will be excited by the fact that there are 2 more Twilight movies to come.

If you’re not a die-hard fan and you’re not open-minded about sappy romantic films with occasional flashes of humor, then I’d suggest you buy the DVD instead so you can fast-forward and skip the parts that bore you.

Or you could avoid it entirely, if you can resist the pull of Hollywood’s pop-culture products.

Either way, if you watch it, it’s either you’ll swoon with visions of love and rock-hard abs, or vomit from the cheesy lines and melodrama.

-abscbnnews